I hate it!
Every time I have dropped Gran off at home since Grandpa died, I hate what I am doing. I love driving her home, sitting with her ahd chatting and having a cup of tea. But I hate walking out of her front door, on my own, leaving her on her own. It just so unfair. Yes Grandpa is in a heavenly place, with his Lord and Saviour, but the pain back here is so strong. Walking down Gran's drive and getting into my car, seeing her stand at the front door waving me away, get me every time. I drive home and the first 10 minutes I just switch off and get so angry and cry and shout.
Today, I made a breakthrough, I rang Gran from University for the first time since I moved here. We had a lovely chat about all sorts of things, how I was, how she was.
She mention that she dreamed about Grandpa last night. That she was sitting on a bus looking out of the window and the bus just drove past him, and he turned and looked at her.
Then we said goodbye, that we loved each other and missed each other and hung up. And nwo here I am sitting infront of my laptop crying my eyes out, typing furiously, and shaking. Why is saying Good bye to Gran so tough? Why is the grief so painful? Where is the comfort of the Lord?
I hate it!
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