Why am I here?

If ever there was a question as to why I am studyring in Edinburgh rather than anywhere else, this question was clarified this week.

Firstly, yesterday was my first meeting as part of the Foolproof Theatre Company. It was a real sense of confirmation that God wanted Fiona, Jo and myself to meet and work together. I first met Fiona Stewart in the youth venue at Keswick 2009. She was interviewed on the stage at Late Nite, on the only evening that I attended the Late Nite programme. Afterwards, we exchanged details and then didn't have contact for another year, until September 2010. The work I am involved with is a mixture of acting, writing and improvising in an educational environment.

Secondly, because of my contact with Fiona Stewart, this morning at 847, I recieved a text message from a guy called Jason, who works for New Scottish Arts, with a view to doing an initial piece of acting work in their 2010 Christmas show, with the potential for future work. Incidently, the production takes place on the only Saturday evening that I am free between now an Christmas!

Thirdly, this morning's Bible Passage, Acts 13:46-14:7. Whilst reading, and asking God to speak to me, verse 47 hit me between the eyeballs...

47The Lord has given us this command,

"I have placed you here

as a light

for the Gentiles.

You are to take

the saving power of God

to people everywhere on earth."


This reading is the culmination of three highly significant events in a week of questioning what God has planned for me, and why He has me here at QMU.

The song that then came into my head is one of my least favourtie modern Christian songs...'Light of the World'

The Creation Covenant

I have been reading a chapter of a book this evening all about grace, this chapter is entitled The Creation Covenant. One of the challenges is to write list of the things that I can think of about my life as a created being and all the wonders and resources God has given world and on which I depend...so here goes.

The ability to laugh, the ability to cry, music, being abke to sing, play the piano, doodle, read books, chat with people, make cake, pray, act, grace, friends, the Lake District, Keswick, Scripture Union, university, friends, family, Jesus, church, the Bible, art, theatre, driving, drama, television, connectivity, clothes, food, water, drink, apple juice, orange and passion fruit J2O, percy pigs, Jesus, Holy Spirit, internet, running, cycling, rugby, brain, memory, grandparents, sister, girlfriend, photos, travel, money, golf, songwriters, my voice, my body, shoes to help me to walk, christian brothers and sisters, freedom to worship, good weather, fish and chips, trees, mountains, rivers, the beach, clouds, stars, rainbows, Stephi, hot chocolate, accountability, writing, novels, dvd box sets, telephone, boxers shorts, scarfs, hats, bed, home, heating, lights, Christmas, singing, spirituality.

The list could go on and on... all thigns that I have, all things that I need, all my work, studies, and hobbies, family and friends, are provided by the grace of God, and I am unbelievably grateful, but words cannot express.

The Art of the Understudy

Last weekend I went home and was fortunate to have a £5 centre Stalls seat for 'Antony and Cleopatra' with the RSC. The role of Cleopatra was due to be played by Kathryn Hunter, who is a seasoned RSC performer, associate director and an Associate Artist of the RSC. She is a stalwart performer, and the week before gave a superb portrayal of Lear's Fool in King Lear. I was greatly anticipating seeing her take on Cleopatra.

http://www.rsc.org.uk/about-us/our-work/hunter.aspx

Imagine, therefore, my disappointment when an ASM came to centre stage and informed us that 'due to the indisposition of Miss Kathryn Hunter, the role of Cleopatra will be played by Miss Katy Stephens, with a script'. I felt so sorry for Katy, first of all she had to play a role that she hadn't had much experience playing, and secondly, the short notice meant that she had to have a script in hand. If Cleopatra were her track, and she had a script in hand, then I imagine that people would ask for refunds.

But, my word, at the interval I was blown away, and felt rather foolish. Despite having the script, Katy gave her all and pulled out a show stopping performance.

There was a few scenes which she even did without a script at all.

At the end of the play, she, understandably received a standing ovation. To have had to perform with such pressure piled on top was such a feat, and she achieved a great performance.

http://www.rsc.org.uk/about-us/ensemble/ensemble-biog-katy-stephens.aspx

The job of being an understudy is so demanding. I would not like to have to do it. To learn you track, and then to learn and rehearse two or three other tracks as well, and be ready to go on at a moments notice requires special talent. I do not think that we applaud understudies enough. They do a huge amount of work, and unfortunately seldom get to reap the harvest of their labours. Unless of course they get lucky, such performers as Kerry Ellis come to mind. Kerry was Martine McCutcheon's understudy for Eliza Doolittle in Trevor Nunn's 2001 production of 'My Fair Lady'. And this production has become infamous. McCutcheon was off so much that Ellis got several long stints in the title role. This paid off, and Ellis is now a star in her own right, having originated the role of Meat in 'We Will Rock You', and playing Elphaba in the phenomenally successful 'Wicked' on both sides of the atlantic.

Understudying is a tough gig, and not enough credit is given to those who pull the job off well.

Robert Walter Potts

Grandpa died 19th October 2009. He was a sinner, who loved the Lord with all his heart. He was a forgiven sinner. He served his God, and now living in the eternal presence of his Lord and maker.

Why do I feel like crap? How selfish am I?! I miss him so much. I am sitting here typing, in a puddle of tears, my grief goes on, and always will do. I have no idea how my Gran deals with it. Every morning she wakes up...alone...but we're not alone. He lives!

We have a strong and certain hope
Fixed and unchanging not in vain
We have a friend in heaven's court
Since Jesus rose to life again

We have an anchor for the soul
Since Jesus' blood has made a way
Into the deepest heart of God
Before the Father's throne of grace

I know he lives
Jesus is alive
And he reigns in glory now
I know he lives
And with him we'll rise
Hallelujah
I know he lives

We have a King high over all
The new creation's firstborn Son
New heav'n and earth await his call
We shall be like him when he comes

We see him now in majesty
Enthroned above the galaxies
Until his glory burst the skies
And all creation joins the cry

I know he lives
Jesus is alive
And he reigns in glory now
I know he lives
And with him we'll rise
Hallelujah
I know he lives
Jesus is alive
And he reigns in glory now
I know he lives
And with him we'll rise
Hallelujah
I know he lives
I know he lives
I know he lives

Graham Kendrick
Copyright © 2008 Make Way Music
www.grahamkendrick.co.uk

My sorrow and sadness are nothing compared to the immeasurable greatness of My Lord.

I can't write anything more, I don't have words to type.

Greater things...

This song is my song of today!

God of this city

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here!

The Lord's My Shepherd

Today's Wordlive looks back over the past few weeks. And so too will I. A lot has happened in my life over the last few weeks. I have moved away from home, started studying, continued sinning, learning to love, listening for the Lord.

The Lord has been the constant, as I look back over the trials of the last year, with death and cancer being the major two, I can see His guiding hand, His peace which passes all understanding, the Communion of the Saints and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. And so I am so thankful to God for his sustaining presence, He has been the rock of my salvation, and the closet friend through the tough times.

Today's Wordlive Worship song was timely, and God given...

The Lord's My Shepherd. I'll not want.
He makes me lie in pastures green.
He leads my by the still, still waters,
His goodness restores my soul.

And I will trust in you alone.
And I will trust in you alone,
For your endless mercy follows me,
You goodness will lead me home.

He guides my ways in righteousness,
And he annoints my head with oil,
And my cup, it overflows with joy,
I feast on his pure delights.

And I will trust in you alone.
And I will trust in you alone,
For your endless mercy follows me,
You goodness will lead me home.

And though I walk the darkest path,
I will not fear the evil one,
For you are with me, and your rod and staff,
Are to comfort I need to know

And I will trust in you alone.
And I will trust in you alone,
For your endless mercy follows me,
You goodness will lead me home.

Why is Shakespeare so tough?

As part of the second Notions of Theatre lecture, we had to read 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and 'Hamlet'. I consider these to be two of the better his better works. I have enjoyed seeing various performances of 'Dream', and 'Hamlet', but I had never read 'Hamlet' in it's entirety before.

So, I started with 'Dream', I set aside a couple of hours on Saturday morning and ploughed through. The text is enjoyable, the poetry and prose of the different characters reminds me of their different statuses. Having read 'How to Read a Play' by Hayman, I felt suitably equipped to tackle the challenge. 'Dream' is very enjoyable, and therefore very easy to pick up and read. As I read through the play, I was reminded of the different versions I had seen on film and onstage, and in many places they blended into one. However, something new hit me with this reading, why does Shakespeare reference to moon so much, and who is 'Diana' that is mentioned frequently. Thanks to the footnote in my copy of the text I was quickly enlightened. The moon and Diana are used to refer to the fertility cycle, with Diana being the roman goddess of chastity. I also looked up the meanings behind some of the characters' names, for instance what does Bottom mean and imply? He is a weaver, and Bottom was an instrument used in weaving, and did not have the modern sense of 'arse', how I had misread that in the past. During a group discussion I was pleased to learn that Robin Goodfellow (Puck) was genuinely believed to have existed during the Elizabethan period. I learnt that people believed that he had an effect upon to seasons, harvest, and their faith in the measures to appease Goodfellow was staggering.

But onto the question, 'why is Shakespeare so tough?'

As I have mentioned, reading 'Dream' was very enjoyable, and therefore seemed to take no time at all. However, 'Hamlet' was another thing altogether. This play is possible one of Shakespeare most epic pieces, and contains what I think are the six most famous, and most quoted words, 'To be or not to be...' Why therefore did I approach this text we trepidation? I think this was because 'Hamlet' is so very long, complicated and at times very difficult to read. Having seen David Tennant in the title role, I came to the text with some prior knowledge, but I did not anticipate the struggle that was ahead of me.

I had set aside an afternoon on a day when I had no classes, to sit down and steam through the text. I have to admit that it failed. I did enjoy reading, however the play beat me, and I had to do it in sections. Firstly because there was so much to take in, when was Hamlet pretending to be mad?, when is he addressing the audience?, why was he doing so? And secondly because the scenes are so long, and so much happens, that I found I needed to break regularly in order to keep focus and to keep enthusiasm.

I can easily understand why so many people get put off so quickly when they try and read Shakespeare, why my mother hated English Literature at school, sitting, reading a learning vast speeches from the History Plays. I hated reading 'Macbeth' at school, but now sitting and visualising the different elements of the production, whilst reading, I can honestly say that the play 'came alive'. I was a joy to spend a good few hours imagining where the actors would stand, how they would deliver their lines, what their costumes would look like, and how I would design the set.

I was reminded of something my drama teaching drilled into us...that plays were 'written to be performed, not to be read'. So, why is Shakespeare so tough? Well, because the satisfaction and fulfilment after seeing a production in you mind's eye is so good.

a tough day...

I hate it!

Every time I have dropped Gran off at home since Grandpa died, I hate what I am doing. I love driving her home, sitting with her ahd chatting and having a cup of tea. But I hate walking out of her front door, on my own, leaving her on her own. It just so unfair. Yes Grandpa is in a heavenly place, with his Lord and Saviour, but the pain back here is so strong. Walking down Gran's drive and getting into my car, seeing her stand at the front door waving me away, get me every time. I drive home and the first 10 minutes I just switch off and get so angry and cry and shout.

Today, I made a breakthrough, I rang Gran from University for the first time since I moved here. We had a lovely chat about all sorts of things, how I was, how she was.

She mention that she dreamed about Grandpa last night. That she was sitting on a bus looking out of the window and the bus just drove past him, and he turned and looked at her.

Then we said goodbye, that we loved each other and missed each other and hung up. And nwo here I am sitting infront of my laptop crying my eyes out, typing furiously, and shaking. Why is saying Good bye to Gran so tough? Why is the grief so painful? Where is the comfort of the Lord?

I hate it!

Trust in the Lord

Today's wordlive is all about trusting in God.

I found this relfective meditation particularly helpful...

http://www.scriptureunion.org.uk/2981.id?sessionid=14995&activityid=81273

Our God Reigns

This morning's WordLive study...

This world is living in sin. All we do is a struggle between godliness and evil. God, the great creator has allowed his creation to fall. The Beast seems to be running the show, allowing death and decay. However, God who raised Jesus from the dead, is restoring and renewing His creation, taking people home to Glory.
16Then the twenty-four elders, who were seated on thrones in God's presence, knelt down and worshiped him. 17They said,
"Lord God All-Powerful, you are and you were, and we thank you. You used your great power and started ruling. 18When the nations got angry, you became angry too! Now the time has come for the dead to be judged. It is time for you to reward your servants the prophets and all of your people who honour your name, no matter who they are. It is time to destroy everyone who has destroyed the earth."
(Revelation 11:16-17)

Oh to see the Dawn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P22lpnmgJbs

why i do what i do

As part of my course, I have to continually asses my work. I have to keep a 'reflective learning journal', which is an ePortfolio of my professional training. This seems like very dull, laborious work. However, it will allow me, in four years time, to look back and follow my studies through the course and see progression and how experience has changed how I think and work.

As I started this tonight I was reminded of the questions that we are to pose to ourselves, 'why?'. I have been instructed when relfecting, to ask myself 'why did I do what I did?' seven times, and only then will I have a truly accurate answer.

This evening, this led my to question why I am study here at Queen Margaret Univesity.

Why am I studying Drama and Performance?

I want to study Drama and Performance in order to develop my own abilities and skills as a performer, as well as developing a strong understanding of the theory of Drama.

Why?

Because I love drama, I love going to the theatre and watching theatre. I love being part of the process of making theatre, both as an actor, technician and audience member. I want to develop my skills in order to persue a careers in the arts, whether as a performer, or as a teacher.

Why?

Because I believe that God has gifted me with skills in the field of drama and performance, and because I want to use my gifs to serve him.

Why?

Because I want to serve my Lord and my God, by using the gifts that he has given me.

Why?

Because I believe that God has handed over His most precious Son, Jesus, to Death on a cross, in my place, and because of this amazing love I can have a relationship with my creator God. And because of this I want to use my gifs for Him, as an act of service towards my God.

Why?

Because I believe that God wants me to use my gifts to share the amazing message of Jesus. To bring many people into and knowledge and love of the Lord, by the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life.

Why?

Because if God has been able to work such a transformation in my life, through Jesus, why would I want to keep that to myself? Surely everybody needs to hear that amazing message, and believe it for themselves.


So, from those 7 'whys' I get from wanting to study something I love, to serving God and sharing the message of His redeeming love. Go on.. try it for yourself!

not getting enought sleep

So... university life... what is it like... There are good and bad bits.

The bad... my flatmates are lovley people, but my word they like to drink, a lot. They have an uncanny ability to down vast volumes of the alcoholic stuff, and it seems to have very little affect upon them. They are loud, rude, they have parties late into the night, and we have had a huge range and variety of guests, not once have I been asked to they can have people round. They have however, informed me of their planned guests by post it notes left on my door, and which point it is quite difficult to discuss the details. It is very easy to sit here and slag my new flatmates off, it is even easier to do it and to enjoy getting all this off my chest. However, it would be totally unfair to do this... They are a lovely bunch of people, when sober, they can be very deep and thoughtful. I just know that God has put me in this flat for a purpose, so I want to keep on going, praying daily that by His Spirit he will give me grace enough to deal with it. That he will give me the right words to say, and the right attitude, these people NEED to know Jesus love personally.

The good... the Christian Union is a godly group of people, who love the Lord Jesus, and love each other. I have fitted in and am very excited for what the Lord has planned for the CU over the next few weeks, months and years.

My course seems like it will be enjoyable, and many of it's aspects are what I really enjoy. Theatre History, practitioners etc. I am looking forward to developing a deeper ability to relfect, which is one major part of the course.

So, at the end of Freshers' week, I write some good and some bad, but as one of my new CU friends has just reminded me... every cloud has a silver lining, perhaps I should look to the clouds and find some linings!

The Adventure Begins...

How appropriate is it that the reading for today is entitled ‘an adventure begins’. Today, my first day at QMU, and the adventure has begun.

If I want to be part of the good news story here in QMU, then there are some things that I must do. I am turning my back on comfort, living at home, being cooked for, and moving out into a new life, I need Jesus with me every step of the way.

How did I first realise that this was the place for me to study? It was the sense of total peace when I walked through the doors for the first time. The picturing in my mind that I could actually study and be happy here, and this far, I am. Praise the Lord!!

So To God Be the Glory. Four people know that I am a Christian, the first four people I have met properly, I pray that God will bless these conversations.

Home sickness hasn't hit yet, but I am sure it will.

The End of a Chapter...

It does seem rather apt to be writing this blog post on the ifnal day of Big Brother, ever, but I can assure you that this post has nothing to do with said television show.

Tonight is my last night in my own my bed before i become an undergraduate tomorrow. This week has been a week of mixed emotions.

It has been a real blessing say see people this week, to laugh with them, and catch up and say farewell. The most difficult goodbye is saying goodbye to my Gran. Over the last year I have grown so close to her as we laugh, cry, grieve and mourn together the calling home of my grandpa. Whenever I drop her off, I never manage to keep a dry eye. I hate leaving her, seeing her pain, I really hate leaving her on her own. And so therefore, I feel a hufe rip as a i leave her for a loing period of time. But our God is strong, holing her in His hands, and because of this, I know that I can leave her, and it will be tough, but His plan is greater.

This last week has been a really bizarre time. It still hasn't sunk in really that I am starting university tomorrow! So a mixture of not packing, because it doesn't really feel like I need too! But alas, today is the day... all the bags are packed, the car is fully loaded, and Mummy, Daddy and Cammy Potts are about to head north and move me into Edinburgh!

So, what am I looking forward to?

I a really looking forward to meeting lots of new people, making new, lifelong friends, developing my drama, finding a new church family to become part of... but mostly I cannot wait to go further with God, I am looking forward to growing deeping in my faith, learning more about myself and my relationship with God through what the next few years holds for me. And even though I know very little of what it will hold, I am certain that it is going to be good. I want to be able to glorify God through my actions, my words and me deeds. I want to lift high the name of Jesus in Edinburgh, and I want to be involved in the journey to faith and the journey of faith of many people. This is my prayer.

There is a niggle in the back of my mind, that my work will be futile, but that is selfish, and I feel stupid for feeling this way.

I know that God will be working in my life, so really that explains why the excitment out weighs my anxiety.

But, now it is time to head to bed, to sleep well, and rest while I get ready to go.

Next post, will be from Edinburgh!!!

How exciting!

Indescribable

This evening, before going to bed, I stayed up and watched Indescribable, a DVD talk by Louis Giglio. My God is so big and so awesome.

Throughout the DVD I was continually blown away by how small we are in comparison to God and His phenenal creation. That God is simply showing his creativity with the many millions and millions of stars across the milkyway, galaxy and the known universe.

Whilst watching the DVD, I felt a total sense of insignificance in comparison to this God. He is amazing.

To close the DVD Giglio shows us a photograph, taken from the Hubble Telescope, a tiny section of the Whirlpool, something called the 'x structure', over 30 million light years away, an image of a cross, painted across the skies. Grace is everywhere we look.



To cap it all, the creator of all of these things came down to this insignifcant dot in space, making it significant, he became a man, and died the ultimate sacrifice for our sins.

Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.

Jesus is Here

Well, halfway through my SU holiday marathon, God has clearly spoken.

This evening during Xplore, thinking when or where God has been close to us.

Drawing a life path, of the mometns that I have felt God close. my path had serveral elements of great closeness, but then there the were great sections which I left empty. Whilst reviewing what I had done I felt very strongly that I needed to turn the page over, and write repeatedly that 'Jesus is here'. In all the circumtances of my life, 'Jesus is here'. In the joy, 'Jesus is here', in the suffering and pain and sadness, 'Jesus is here'.

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So readers, in all the good, in all the bad, in all the pain, in all the struggle, in all the triumph, and all the joy... Jesus is here!

Curtain Up!

Well, this is my first Blog, it feels rather strange to be posting my thoughts in a box, but here goes...

Today is the the day before Keswick convention starts. i am really looking forward to this year to sharing about Jesus with children. It seams to me to be very cool that I am finishing my Gap Year with Scripture Union in the very place where I became a Christian.

This evening's meal will consist manily of mince meat, and pasta!

There you go!